Scattered Cheerios on the table, heavy footsteps on the wooden floor, and buzzing sound in the morning are to name a few things that makes up the family’s day. When Michael is awake, everyone is at their feet. He is the super star, always the priority at all cause.
Outside the four corners of our house, my brother is an eye candy. More than his looks, his movement and action gives him away. Once, we were walking at the food court trying to find mom when suddenly he grabbed someone else’s soft drinks. I ended up saying sorry, walking away as fast as we can.
Michael’s special needs didn’t matter much until I was 13. Questions like, “Why can’t we have a family vacation in Boracay?” or “How can we manage buying things when he is with us?” started to make sense.His condition was a big part of every member’s decision, from who get’s to sit beside the window to who get’s to go out on a Tuesday.
One night, after so many attempts to make Mike settle down and sleep( which he did eventually) I just sat down on the floor and cried. I can’t do this anymore. “Why did You placed me in this family, in this situation?”, I asked God.
I wish I could tell you I never lost my patience and have been able to cater all his needs at all times. As much as I wanted to be the one that saves him from the limitations autism has caused, I can’t. I needed to tap on to a greater power.
I started to pray for Mike’s healing. Everyday, God would not only improved his condition but also change my heart, hitting two birds with one stone. I hardly noticed that doubt, fear and frustration has been a part of my system and I needed healing myself.
And with his wounds we are healed (Isaiah 53:5-ESV) because Jesus not only suffered and died for our sins but he also cut the chain of illness that might threaten the life of our families. It’s amazing how the cross continues to keep us and our families safe and secured.
Autism is not okay because I believe that we are made to use our brains in it’s full potential. Yet “My thoughts are nothing like your thoughts,” says the Lord. “And my ways are far beyond anything you could imagine(Isaiah 55:8-9 NLT). Living with autism teaches me to see life in a different lens as I pursue love every single day.
I know that one day, may it be on earth or in heaven, Mike and I will lift up our hands and worship the one and only King of our hearts. But until then, As for God, his way is perfect: the word of the LORD is tried: he is a buckler to all those that trust in him(Psalm 18:30 KJV).